You may feel like you survived an earthquake or hurricane when your divorce is finalized. Your life has been topsy-turvy for months and you may just now feel things are a bit more settled. Because you and you ex will share custody of your children, you want to get along, even if the divorce has been hard for you.
You may have had to move out of the family home or even sell it because you couldn’t afford it on your own. Or your ex already may be dating someone new. How are you going to get along when you are still angry or hurt? You will need to move forward, keeping these five tips for getting along with your ex in mind:
- If you are still angry or hurt, seek help from a counselor to process your feelings about your divorce. You want to move beyond your anger and hurt and feel better about establishing a good co-parenting relationship with your ex.
- Don’t speak negatively about your ex around your children. You need to understand that your children are going through a lot emotionally too. Trying to alienate them from their other parent isn’t healthy for them and won’t help you establish a good relationship with your ex either.
- Don’t make your children messengers between you and your ex. You need to learn to communicate effectively with your ex. Maybe you might want to limit your communication to email and text at first until you feel you can emotionally deal with in-person communication.
- Avoid trying to sway friends and family from trying to choose between a relationship with you or a relationship with your ex. You want to take the high ground as much as possible and realize it is OK to share friendships and other family relationships with your ex.
- Maintain healthy boundaries between you and your ex. You don’t need to know everything that is going on in your ex’s life. You don’t have to share everything going on in yours. Taking a step back and keeping your relationship strictly only about sharing custody of your kids will give you a chance to heal.
Moving forward after a divorce will take time. So will re-establishing a solid relationship with your ex. However, if you really want the best for your children and yourself, you can take the steps you need to, so that you can get along with your ex after your divorce.
