When you and your spouse adopted your children, you were in a happy place in your marriage. You were both excited to be parents and spend all of your time looking after them. After a few years, you noticed that your spouse was not paying much attention to your marriage anymore. You know that raising kids is important, but ignoring your relationship was harmful. Over time, you found that you needed to divorce. 

This is hard for you, but you are worried most about your children. They were already given up by their biological parents, so you worry that they’ll feel like it’s happening again. What should you do to help your adopted children through a divorce?

If you’re divorcing with adopted children, be honest with them

The thing you should do at this stage is always to be honest with your children. Talk to your children about separating and what that means for them. For example, you can explain that you and their father will be living in separate homes and that they will get to have new bedrooms and two homes. Explain that separating has nothing to do with how much you care about them but is what you want to do to provide a better life for them. 

If children have already been seeing you fight and argue, or if they know that one of their parents has moved out, then they know that something isn’t right. Don’t let those feelings of insecurity linger. Help your children process this new loss and work to understand where they fit in the new family dynamic. They may need additional support and reassurance throughout this process, which is something you and their other parent should give willingly.