When you begin working on the logistics for your divorce, it is common for you and your ex to try to divvy up parenting time as thoroughly as possible. For many couples, alternating weekends, alternating weeks or even alternating holidays will be the ideal solution for allowing both parents to remain active in the lives of the children. Parents can become creative in how they split up these special days.

However, having two birthday parties or two Christmas celebrations isn’t as much fun as it might sound. In fact, all of that enforced separation can drastically diminish your children’s enjoyment of the holidays and other special events. They want both of their parents present when they score the winning touchdown at a middle school football game or get elected as homecoming queen their senior year.

While splitting things up is a good starting point for divorcing couples who will share custody, you might want to work toward sharing parenting time in person.

Remember that someone can be a bad spouse and a good parent

People tend to generalize what they learn, which could mean generalizing your spouse’s bad behavior as a partner to ensure that they are then bad parents as well. Whatever the issues that arose during your marriage, chances are good that those same issues will not impact a parent-child relationship.

Your ex is likely someone who wants the best for your kids and for everyone in your family. If you can try to keep a slightly more positive attitude about your ex, it will be a lot easier to get along when you’re sitting by one another on the bleachers at a special event. You can focus on supporting the kids instead of fighting each other.

It should always be about what the kids need, not just what you want

Parents who adamantly refuse to interact don’t stop to think about the damage that that kind of animosity can do to their children. Accepting that you will be part of one another’s lives because you share children is the adult way to approach co-parenting after a divorce.

If you really make an effort, you and your ex may be able to become friends, which will benefit both of you as well as your children as you continue to navigate life after divorce.