At the end of a marriage, much of your focus will be on sorting out details of finances, housing, and property. The transitional hustle and bustle may keep you busy, and you will have a lot on your mind. One issue that concerns parents before, during and after a divorce is, how will the change affect my children? A recent news article pulled a few responses from a Reddit thread to get a sample of how divorce affects the children, straight from the kids themselves.
Their responses represented a range of feelings, from positive to negative, and acknowledged how feelings can shift and change over time. As you get the major issues like custody, child support and the divorce agreement sorted out, you will be able to later help your children with any feelings that come up. However, the responses of these children of divorce seem to remain balanced, and you can feel that if you are taking care of the big stuff, the little issues will take care of themselves.
Behavioral issues are one big way that children can signal that something is wrong. As the children adjust to a new normal, either in a new home or without the constant presence of a parent, they may choose to act out in certain ways. One contributor said that his bullying behaviors became worse. Another commenter mentioned that he played the blame game and used the breakup as a justification for misbehavior.
Responsibility and appreciation
Other kids took the opportunity to step up. One person said that he took the opportunity to support a younger sister who was also struggling with the change. And don't think your hard work goes completely unnoticed. At least one contributor said that he noticed how hard his mother worked to ensure that the family had everything they needed for a good life, even if that meant working extra jobs.
Relief and happiness
Finally, if the divorce is a relief to you, you can also consider that your child may feel the same way, especially if there is significant tension and conflict. Some commenters reported feeling relief at the end of their parent's marriages. Additionally, they felt happiness when they were able to see their parents begin to thrive again after the breakup. Your kids want to see you happy, just as much as you wish the best for them.
This small sampling from the children of divorce shows that the end of a marriage doesn't have to be the end of the world for your kids. Sure, there may be a few bumps along the way, but overall, when the dust settles after the transition, everyone will find their own ways to be happy.